Many a year ago
I thought my life will be a child and not for the old
Seeing the world as glitters of gold
Neglecting how a second flick of time can turn my life cold
I was young and naïve, curious and wrong
I made certain turns that buried my essence for long
Now I am lost in my thoughts
Scrambling around trying to find myself
Darkness is all I am now
All I see
All I feel
Darkness is all I am now
Maybe I’ll stumble upon the years time had buried before
Maybe I will find that child I used to be again;
Sitting amidst this plaque
Waiting for a light maybe
Waiting for hope
I never knew the real me
So I danced the rhythms of corruptible friends in glee
Not realizing the cost it came with
Listen, my life was full of fragments and endless flaws
I followed unnecessary socialization laws
And my life became heaven and hell
A light dark mystery I couldn’t tell
I sailed with the shallow minded
Yet I craved to be a great person
Hypocrisy at its best; I’m grounded
With the fellow I became; a sin
This sin floats
It sways endlessly in an ocean of regrets
Constantly pulling back and forth
Across the things that’d will me
Even though I’m numb to pain now
I longed to be lost with the waves
To be found at the bottom of this ocean
Away from everything that makes drollery of my existence
I wanted to be found among the oceans
Make everything that defines me come to light
But then I remembered that
I joked with my time
And I thought it was just fine
Because I never had a society’s hand
That could lead the way and give a first line head band
My life drained and swallowed the desert sands
All that is left of me is a fear of everything I failed to understand
This choice
This lifestyle
This demon
I harbor in me has killed the essence of my living
Oh Gush! I messed up.
Many a year ago
I’d hoped I could be reborn
To see the world for what it is
To see that it really can’t be gold
I’d held on to these lies for too long
That they left bruises in my palms
But never again
I shan’t be trapped in this puddle of insecurities
I shan’t be lost in this river of fears
I shan’t fade into this same darkness that had me captive for this long
Never again
I refused to be tamed by my demons again
Demons of the old and new
Choices I already knew
And won’t fall back on them again
So friends
I have been here before
And hoping not to make the same fall
Which left me in this sluggish state
Was it actually laced in my fate
To encounter strange junctions
For which my strength functions
Not to make the right turns
Tell me which road ends
Or leads to the right course
I simply don’t want to make a loss
In this decision I am opting for
Crossroads or not
I’m the choices I make
Crooked or straight
I’m the path I take
I choose to watch the waves
Caress the sand and not take me with them
I choose to find myself floating
Somewhere in this darkness
Like the star I’ve become
Crossroads or not
I am the choices I make.
TurksonQuills
AJ Oti
TurksonQuills 